Friends With Young Families Too Busy
After living in Montreal for five years, I returned to Mississauga Toronto. Not only did I notice all the new highrise condo buildings and retail megastores that were not around during the time before I moved out to Montreal, traffic in the GTA (Greater Toronto Area) has become worse despite the 401 highway having expanded lanes.
However, another big change was observed. Many of my GTA friends have married and started young families while I was gone in Quebec. And these friends with young families are just too busy to have any time for single folks like myself.
It’s crazy but I even have one friend who lives less than ten minutes away from my house. During the five or six years I’ve been back in Ontario, we still have not seen each other face to face! We do keep in touch by email – thank goodness for technology!
I remember when I did come back for a visit when I was still living in Montreal and I did visit with this friend. She and her husband had a 2-3 year old son at that time. I asked them if they were going to have another child. Being well into their forties at that time, they claimed that by the time they both get back home from work, they still have to chase a little kid around and as a result, are dead tired by the end of the day.
So there is no way they can see themselves having more kids if they already have their hands full with one. They added that if they were younger, a bigger family would be an option but at their ages, they just can’t do it.
I don’t blame them as most of the other friends I know with young families are in similar situations. Besides work, all of their entire weekends are filled with activities around their families.
Fact Of Life That Certain Friendships May Fade
I tried to have end of year parties with one for my married friends and another one for my mostly single friends without kids. Guess which one was more successful?
For the event for my married friends, it was like pulling teeth to get them to come out for one night. I thought that one of the common terms in parenthood was ‘babysitter’ and these friends would love a night out for a change. But nope, most sent their regrets unable to make it. I did get a nice manageable group of about 15 to 16 people which was a comfortable evening.
My party for the singles held the following weekend was another story. My house was jammed pack to capacity with 30 to 40 people. Among this crowd were two married couples who are still childless at this point. What a contrast this event turned out to be.
So will my friendships with my married friends fade? Only time will tell.
Married Friends Have No More Time For Single Friends
So this leads me to a conclusion that was hard to accept at first but I eventually did realize the huge reality of life. Married friends, despite some of them going back many years of friendship, just have no more time for their single friends anymore, especially when kids come into the picture.
For a summer party, I did not even bother inviting my married friends as I just went ahead to plan for another mainly singles event. And sure enough, my house was jammed pack to capacity again.
For my own social life, one of the adjustments I had to make with all my married friends just existing online now, is start over socially with a new group of people. One of the things I decided to do was start my own social Meetup group called GTA Free Spirits.
With fifteen months, the membership has grown to almost 700 people and we are now one of the most active Meetup groups in the Mississauga area with at least two to three different events each week. Interestingly enough, many members tell me that their social life situations were very similar to mine, ie., their married friends with children have no more time for them either!
So my Meetup group filled a social niche for us singles and I’m glad for it. Not only has this group served a much needed purpose for our members, it has also enhanced my own social life as it is busy and rich once more.
As for my married friends with young families, I’ll probably still keep in touch with them via email maybe a few times per year. Maybe once their kids are grown up and away to college, they will find themselves with a lot of free time all of a sudden. Actually, some of our Meetup members are actually parents in this very situation. Their kids have grown up and our Meetup group now serves as a much needed social outlet again.
So if you are experiencing a similar situation that I went through, don’t blame your married friends for the lack of time they now have. They are busy.
Instead, you have to move on and make efforts to expand your own social circle by finding new single people. This is not as hard as it seems because there are a lot of singles out there going through the same thing!
Let our married friend deal with diapers, crying babies, nonstop shuttling their kids to soccer games and dance classes. We’ll enjoy our singles times together as we chill out at the pubs!
